“You can’t go to hell and back if you haven’t felt a bit of happiness.”

In this exclusive interview for Aifos, Mariah Carey talks from the professional and personal sides of her life.

Aifos Costa: Recently I believe you had a small problem with the clothes in the American Music Awards. What happened?
Mariah Carey: (Laughing) It was something stressful. I went on stage with a gorgeous dress that was not finished yet, and on top of it, it was an important night and I was starting the show. Could you really see the rip on it?

AC: Yes, of course we noticed.
MC: I spent the rest of the night stitching it before going on stage, although finally we decided to take the zipper out, since it was a custom made dress. You know the kind of tight dress that an emergency repair would have made a mess when I was out there. So we decided to stitch it on. Its something I've done a million times, but this time it didn't work.

AC: Where do you like to travel?
MC: I love the Mediterranean coast and Japan as a country, (pointing to her dog). This is Jack.

AC: You must feel really sure of yourself when you pick your glamorous dresses out.
MC: Well, if I had had a little more time the dress problem wouldn't have happened. To me, that night was as big as the Grammy night, because its a big show. Dick Clark is a legend and to be the host that night is a big honour. Any way I did it, there I was opening the show, with a ripped dress. I remember I was looking at Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, who were sitting in front row, two lovely people who I adore and know well – I met Will when I was 17, but I never sang for him, and when he finally saw my music he asked me why I hadn't gone to see him before signing my contract. – I was telling the audience all about how you all are my friends and things like that. Although I couldn't stop thinking about how I almost didn't make it on stage that night. During the break I had to go to the dresser to get changed again – Pamela Dennis and me had no underwear on, so this was another “detail”. So if anything else had gone wrong that night it would have been a real scandal. They would have said I did it on purpose. People are like that. But I don’t mind them anymore, but I was completely naked under that dress and with all those people in the front row, with a big step to get on to the stage, so if I did win a prize I had thought to tell everyone what had happened. In the end nothing happened, but with all the stress I forgot something I never forget when I win a prize, to thank all my fans for all the wonderful support. I have a wonderful fan club.

AC: You always manage to mention your fans, even with your busy life-style. How do you keep in touch with them?
MC: Well, it’s like visiting many different countries. I go to lots of places and see the same people year after year. I think they are the friends I grew up with and there are always new followers in line. Logically I cant know where they are, but as a reminder of their presence I always carry with me my book of fans, because I don't always have the time to read what they write. I’ve got a favourite from Canada that writes funny stuff. My fans are always listening to what is happening in my life and what I say to the media, and they come up with letters with lots of fun ideas in them. They are loyal, devoted... And maybe people will think I’m exaggerating, but I really do feel all these thankful words. They give me approval in what I do, It’s something that makes me feel good about what I do. It make me feel good because when I decided to make music I wanted to free myself from a very unhappy period of my life, like my youth. A time when I didn’t feel very graceful, I didn’t feel..

AC: At the moment you seem to be having one of the best times of your life. Is this true?
MC: It is. The only thing I’m always worried about as you can imagine, is my voice, because when I’m having a good time at a party with my friends, I’ve got to stop and tell myself “shut up!”. If I want my voice to sound right I have to stop and take care of myself, because when I’m tired it doesn't. That's why I constantly have to drink lots of water to hydrate myself.

AC: With all the travelling, parties, recordings, record shows, etc. Do you ever get time to sleep, or better said to rest?
MC: In the past I’ve always had sleeping problems, and I’ve always been an insomniac. I used to write and talk constantly about it, but now I live in a quiet place, and I’ve learnt to disconnect myself, but it hasn't been easy. It’s hard because I deal personally with a lot of details in my career, so there are some times when no matter how many people are behind my work, there are things that I have to do myself, because I am the only one who knows how I like them.

AC: Why don't you tell us about the men in your life?
MC: Because you only want to know one thing, and the answer is... Well, I’m one of those people who think that personal issues are to be kept for yourself.

AC: Do you know that you are one of the few celebrities that apparently do not have a love in their life?
MC: Well, people can believe whatever they want.

AC: But your songs are about love.
MC: Yes.

AC: How did you end up recording at Capri? It’s rather a unusual place for a North American artist to record an album.
MC: Yes, it’s not normal, but as I said, I really like the Mediterranean and I had heard about the place when I recorded Pavarotti and Friends in ‘99 so I told Randy Jackson, who was working on some songs I wanted to use when I was in Italy. It was Randy who told me there was a incredible place in Capri. So I went over there and fell for its weather and clean air, that is good for my voice.

AC: Do you like the Mediterranean style?
MC: Isn't it the best? I love the Mediterranean. The people, the food, everything. The funny thing is that my brother lives in Italy, and is fluent in Italian. He used to be a model, and did Kick Boxing, but now he’s on to other things. He’s like me. The first time he went to Italy he felt like he had always belonged there, we are not Italian so I don’t know where we get that feeling, but Capri is special for me. I love to walk every day surrounded by nature and without smog.

AC: You seem to be very concerned about a healthy life.
MC: I guess so. In some ways I’m very careful because I spend a lot of time away from home. Some times lots of people handle the microphones I sing with, so I always demand that they are sterilised. It also happens when you shake hands with lots of people. Some opera singers for example, never leave home without covering their faces because their voice is their most valuable instrument.

AC: Some times you have commented that you lost lots of your youth because you spent too much time working.
MC: It’s true (Laugh).

AC: When you see artists today they seem to be having fun all the time. Are you having fun now?
MC: Well no, you cant say I’m having fun now because I’m working. But it’s fine because I just took a little vacation. I always wanted to make the music I like, and not to have to fight with people that tell me what kind of music to make just because “it works”. Sometimes they say, Why don’t you work with this rapper? Now everyone is tripping on rap. Some News! It makes me annoyed because for years I’ve been trying to integrate urban sounds in my past recordings. I’ve always worked with rappers and made remixes. I worked with ODB and he was a hardcore rapper and no one would expect to see me working with him. Rest in peace... I really liked working with him, he was a great guy.

AC: Could you stop working tomorrow?
MC: Yes, but I’d still sing for fun. Its what I like doing.

AC: But you don't have to sing to make a living.
MC: No, but it’s part of my soul.

AC: Did you ever sing in a small club?
MC: No, but there’s a small jazz club in Los Angeles and some times I think I should go and sing there. I used to sing in jazz clubs, my mother would take me when I was little. I was thinking it would be fun, I remember it was always very late. I’ve been in LA for some time, but I’m thinking about going back to New York.

AC: Do you like the night life?
MC: After my marriage lots of my friends tried to scandalise me with stories about night escapes looking for sex. And I don’t mind, I think it funny. Be yourself, do whatever you want to do but my friends have always made fun of me, because they know I’m a prudent woman.

AC: Is that true?
MC: Yes, definitely and the cause of that is in a traumatic childhood. Seeing things that have driven me not to have a baby just to have one. To grow without any troubles in that sense.

AC: Do you feel you are getting older than most current artists by turning 21?
MC: No, because I thought of it when I was 18 (laugh). I feel like the same person. I feel that now I’m in the world and every day I learn new things. I have learnt to polish my character. You can’t let pain turn into hate. Or I would have never found any peace. You can’t go to hell and back if you haven’t felt a bit of happiness.

AC: Is there anything you feel you are missing in your life?
MC: I would like to have a few days off (laugh). I love my job and its important to be mentally and physically prepared. Its like being a sportsman, if you break your knee you will be out of the game the entire season. It’ a good example because I have to sleep lots of hours, be careful with my voice and everything. These days I’m happy, and feel proud of having good friends.