Readers. Ifm feeling-knackered and pugnacious. All the
frivolities and travelling has whacked me out! I feel as if I could sleep for a
month!
Hopefully next week I will be reborn. Itfs not as if itfs a surprise Ifm tired.
My birthday was 48 hours long!
Let me explain. It began at the end of my Anguillan vacation when we took off to
fly back to New York. Then we arrived at Mariahfs NYC apartment at 3am on the
morning of my birthday.
I told you last week about us flashing MCfs doormen in our fake fur coats and
bikinis – but what I didnft know was what was awaiting me upstairs in MCfs crib.
As we entered, I threw myself onto my bed with exhaustion-in her guest room (the
butterfly room) and was just about to don my PJfs when MC announced she needed
to borrow my camera for a gbusiness meetingh in her kitchen.
What?!? I know I look young readers but I wasnft born yesterday! Like good ole
Jackson P Mutley (MCfs doggy) I can sniff a tall story when I hear one. I knew
those Careys were up to something but like a good little English girl I played
along.
As expected, two minutes later someone beckoned me einto the kitchen
immediately!f I felt like I should stall but no - it was now 4am and I knew they
must really LOVE me to be this exhausted and without sleep for 2 days and still
be making my moment festive. As I walked ginnocentlyh into the kitchen, MC and a
few of our nearest and dearest showered me with champagne.
I exclaimed gstop wasting the grape - itfs expensive!h MC et al sung for me and
danced around me as I blew out my silver-studded twinkle candles and cut into my
Oreo cake. I was given a beautiful and thoughtful gift then we chatted about our
blessed year and laughed about the gJack incidenth. Let me explain.
Our last moment in Anguilla was hilarious. MC had a photo session scheduled with
a famous British photographer on our private beach.-Alas, a multitude of-other
paparazzi had somehow heard and were camped out and wouldnft budge.
Apparently, when they spotted me running along the beach earlier in the day with
Jack they knew MC was nearby as they recognised the dog! How crazy is that?! We
concocted a cunning plan!
MC, her security and the photographer would escape-into a jeep and sneak off to
a nearby beach whilst I (the DECOY)-would wander casually down to our beach with
Jack and- some of the staff fully laden down with gDiva Accessoriesh like a
bottle of Cristal and glasses, a pillow and silk sheet, iPod, sun lotions,
silver trays full of seafood, Jimmy Choo shoes, etc, pretending MC-was about to
appear.
As I gestured wildly at the gposition of the sunh and announced at the top of my
voice gher favourite positionh, I saw the paps looking excited and readying
their lenses.
All the while I am practically wetting myself as I continue my Oscar-winning,
Meryl Streep performance and-slyly peek MC being smuggled out the back door!
MCfs photo shoot just up the road took 10 minutes and she was back in 20
hollering at me that git was safeh to come back.
The stupid photographers watched the sun set and continued to wait eagerly till
9pm when it was pitch black, then-they wandered over to gMCfs sun loungerh to
find a lovely little note Ifd left them with the champers which said genjoy the
drink suckers!!!h Oh, how we laughed.
How miserable is the weather right now? Even worse is I'm hearing disappointing
news that Estfelle is having to play a bit of musical chairs with her record
company. Good luck Estfelle - your talent is too special to be wasted. Why
readers are British record labels so capricious when it comes to black street
artists? Readers, can you honestly say you bought Estfelle's album? If you
didn't, then don't complain about lack of support for black acts when they get
dropped - we need to put our money where our mouths are once in a while.
Also, readers please disregard the stories you heard in last weekfs tabloids
about Jamelia being dropped. Her manager, the not-to-be-messed-with Jonathon
Shalit, told me exclusively that its gAbsolute rubbish. EMI are 100% committed
to Jamelia, who as we speak, is recording her new album in a studio EMI have
built for her next to where she lives. Jamelia is eraring' to go and she, EMI
and I are very excited about her record out later this year.h So, readers, you
can rest assured. Jamelia - courtesy of EMI - will be coming to MTV soon where
we can laugh at those irresponsible tabloid fools!
Meanwhile my pal, designer of glamtastic streetwear Wale Adyemi is proving how
versatile he is. Walefs been asked to talk at Oxford University in the next
fortnight to tell them how he became a big don in the clothing design game. Big
up Wale! Maybe you can sex up those black gowns and white magistrate-like wigs
that the Oxford Dons wear?
I was also taken to dinner at celebrity chef Jamie Oliverfs London restaurant
e15f, where I saw a most incongruent sight – Choice FM's DJ Kat being taught to
make pasta by Jamie in the kitchen??!
I know a lot of you are Choice FM fans - particularly of the ever-entertaining
weekend boys that go by the names of Richard Blackwood and Kat. Most of you know
what Richard looks like but Kat wanted you to see his pretty little face too so
this weekfs photo highlights two great looking London bachelors... Wale and Kat!
Eat your hearts out ladies!
Published: 24 January 2006
Issue: 1202
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